Monday, December 31, 2012

New Year Letter and 5K

Dear Family and Friends (and anyone else who reads this blog),

I decided to write a "New Year Letter" this year instead of a "Christmas Letter." 2012 has been a growing year for me and I feel so blessed with the life I have now! Here's a review of the year:

January: I turned 28yrs old! I started a fitness plan to work up to be able to complete a 5K. Spencer and I became closer and I started to get to know his family. I also stopped receiving epidermal injections in my back.

Spencer and I on my 28th birthday!


February: My mom's house that I was living in sold, so I found a new job and moved out. I helped Spencer prepare for his mission. This month was difficult because I was preparing to say "good-bye" to Spencer which was very hard.

At Spencer's farewell.


March: I moved to New Jersey and Spencer left on his mission. I also started working out with my trainer, Alex, at My Training Gym in Morristown, NJ. I cried a lot this month because I was missing Spencer, but I learned to write LOTS of letters and to keep myself busy. I found running was fun!

 In NYC on St. Patrick's Day

April: Continued working as a nanny in NJ and training with my trainer. I started building a social life and making new friends in NJ. I spoiled Spencer with a huge package for Easter.

Spencer's Easter Package


May: Things did not work out with my nanny job and I had to start looking for another job. I moved to Alderson, WV and started working a Therapeutic boarding school. I took 3 trains and an airplane to go home to Oregon at the end of the month for my best-friends' wedding. I got to spend 4 hrs in Philadelphia during a break between trains and was only 15 mins from Spencer's apartment, but I didn't go see him. It was cool to see Philly though!

At the "Love" Statue in Philadelphia
 

June: I was the maid of honor for Sondai and Jake's wedding. I started getting use to my new job and adapting to the cultural differences in WV. At the end of June, we experienced a major windstorm that left the state of West Virginia in a state of emergency.

Jake & Sondai's wedding


July: Spent the first week of July with my power and it was one of the hottest weeks of the year. The 5K I had planned to do was cancelled. I worked and continued doing interval running.

 River by my apartment in WV

 with horse at the boarding school I worked at

August: Went to the West Virginia State Fair. Just worked and wrote letters to Spencer everyday. I started facing my past and doing a lot of emotional healing.

at the State Fair in WV


September: Spencer hit his 6 month mark!!! I finally was under 300lbs! I decided that I missed Oregon and wanted to come home to finish my schooling. Left West Virginia last September for a road trip to Oregon with my mom.

Spencer in his 2nd area.


October: Went on an amazing cross country road trip! Moved to Oregon and started looking for work.

 In front of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple in Utah

 My mom and I at the Salt Lake Temple in Utah

Ivy (Spencer's little sister) and me and the puppies at Ivy's birthday party

November: I was offered two full-time jobs. I worked both of them for 2 weeks before deciding that working one and going back to school was a better option. Worked on Thanksgiving.

My hair is getting LONG!


December: Getting into the swing of things at work. Finished all the paperwork to start PCC in January to complete some generals. Applied for Oregon State University to begin Spring term 2013, still waiting for acceptance letter. Send Spencer a HUGE Christmas package! He loved it! I spent Christmas with Spencer's family and felt so loved and welcomed! It was an amazing Christmas and got to see him on Skype and talking for him for a bit! It gave me so much strength! Found out that because of changes, Spencer will be coming home a week early!

 Christmas morning with the Wasdens :)

 I got an OSU hat for Christmas. I guess I'm a beaver now! (even though you can't see it in this picture, I'm wearing my USU Aggies sweatshirt)

 The majority of what I sent in Spencer's Christmas package.


5K: Back in October 2011, I decided that I wanted to be able to complete a 5K. I told my doctor and he said that he wanted to get a picture when I did. I will be sending him a letter on Wednesday with the picture! :) Today I walked (and jogged some) a 5K (12 1/2 laps) around the Dayton High School track!!! I was keeping good pace until the 6th lap. Then I started to drag, but I kept moving. I sprinted the last quarter lap. It's amazing how much energy you can find within yourself even when you feel like you want to fall to the ground! I decided to do it at the Dayton track because that's where Spencer and I use to walk in the mornings together. My friend, Sondai, held up lap signs that I had made, gave me water, and was an awesome cheerleader! I completed it in 57minutes and 2 seconds!!! That's about a 18.36 minute mile! I am so proud of myself!!! I have come so far and overcome so much! I decided that I no longer have any excuses! I'm still 130 lbs overweight, have a displaced disk 1/4 inch from paralyzing me,  and I did a 5K!!! I am strong! As I was jogging past Sondai on one of the laps, she said, "You are a fighter!" YES I AM! and I will keep fighting!!! I plan to lower my 5K time and start training for a 10K!

Cute signs I made for the 5K!



 Getting my music ready so I can start

RUNNING!
More Running!


 Sondai holding the signs.
Trying to catch my breath at the finish line!

I'm exhausted! But I DID IT!!!

I DID IT! 57:02!

My cute cheerleader keeping warm. (it was 32 degrees and started snowing after I finished)

I feel so lucky to have a friend like you Sondai, thank you!


I want to thank a few people in my life:

Thank you Spencer for always believing in me even when I doubted myself! Thank you loving me the way I am and supporting me along this journey!

Thank you Dad for encouraging me through sharing your knowledge of running and stories of the runs you use to do!

Thank you Mom for doing the Reboot with me that started me on this journey and thank you for the fun road trip!

Thank you to Spencer's family for welcoming me into your home and loving me! Thank you for your support as I wait for Spencer! You guys are awesome!

Thank you Sondai for always being there when I needed to vent and cry! Thank you for being my cheerleader and never letting me give up!

Thank you Erin for being such an awesome example to me! I want to be you when I grow up! :)

Thank you Alex (my trainer) for showing me the strength that I have within myself and continuing to support me even after I moved! I hope to be an awesome trainer like you someday!

And thank you to EVERYONE who has "liked" my statuses and given me encouraging words along the way! You have all helped me to become the amazing lady that I am today!

BRING ON 2013!!!

Love you all!
Stephanie Bailey



Thursday, October 11, 2012

Coming home!

It has now been a year since I started this blog. I can honestly say that I am a different person than I was then. Not only on the outside, but also a lot different on the inside. Weight loss can only be successful if you change completely. In the past, I'd lose weight, but I would change how I looked at food, life or myself, and I'd put the weight (and then some) back on. This time is different.

While living in West Virginia, I had the opportunity to work at a therapeutic boarding school for girls. It was amazing! While there, I learned A LOT and healed. I was able to forgive my ex-husband and others who have hurt me in the past. I learned to love myself and see myself as I am, BEAUTIFUL! I was able to recognize the reasons why I was using food and my fat to "protect" myself. Knowing is half the battle. I found who I AM and who I WANT TO BECOME!

Sadly, I became homesick and started having issues with my back. After much mediation and prayer, I chose to move home to Oregon. I'm now looking for a job and place to live and settle down. I'm also looking at going back to school and finishing my degree in Fitness and Nutrition so I can become a trainer specializing in food and nutrition. I've become very passionate about healthy food and exercise over the past year. I get very excited anytime someone starts asking me about it. I want to help others to discover the happiness I have. Being healthy is good!

Now, I admit, I still have another 130 lbs to go, but I'm also enjoying how far I've come! Before packing up to leave West Virginia, I went through my clothes and got rid of 2 big garbage bags full of clothes! I'm noticing more and more of my clothes becoming lose on me. I'm also able to wear clothes that I had stored away for 3 yrs because they were too small. :) I have more definition in my face and my collar bone! My rings slid around on my hands often because they are getting smaller! I'm enjoying the smaller me!

The Road Trip:

The Good - I got to spend two weeks with my mom driving from West Virginia to Oregon. We visited friends and family along the way. As well as, visiting 15 LDS Temples! It was so much fun!




 Here's a few photos I took on the trip.

The Bad - Sitting in the car for long periods of time, caused my legs to swell BADLY! I tried putting them up, but we didn't have much room in the car. Thankfully, the swelling has mostly gone down now. :)

The Ugly - Junk Food! We had every intention of eating healthy the whole trip, but lack of time, planning, and will power equals buying whatever looks good at the gas station. We did, however, try to stop at Subway for lunch and/or dinner whenever possible.

The Beautiful - I saw so much beauty on this trip! I took like 600 pictures! But what really stood out to me was myself. I don't mean to sound conceded, but I kinda am discovering myself and my new found love for myself. I think part of it was visiting people and seeing their reactions. :) Life is beautiful!

Now:

Now, I'm back in Oregon ready to start life! I'm so excited for all the yummy fresh produce and healthy foods I can find here! I've found a 5k to run on Thanksgiving here! AND I'm doing another reboot! Who wants to join me? I'm going to start on Monday, October 15th! I'm so excited for this part of my journey!!!

Starting Weight: 365
Current Weight: 295 lbs!

70 LBS GONE!!! GOOD-BYE FOREVER!!!

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Under 300!!!

So, the scale and me have not been friends lately. Since May it has seemed to just stay between 315lbs and 310lbs. I was getting very frustrated and discouraged! I got tired on stepping on the scale and seeing the same numbers!

Well, this evening I decided to step on the scale quickly. I was hoping that I had at least lost 2 lbs. I looked down and it read 297! WHAT?!?! Is something wrong with the scale??? So, I tried it a few more times. Yep, I now weigh 297 lbs!!! That means I'm finally under 300 lbs!!! I've lost 68 lbs since last October!!! YAY!!!

So, you might be wondering what changed in my life recently. Well... I changed positions at work. I'm now the housekeeper. I no longer work nights (better on the body with sleep and food) and I am VERY active all day long. I'm consistently moving. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted! I just want to sleep. So, if you want to lose weight, just clean ALL day! LOL!

I'm SO HAPPY!!! Good-bye 68LBS!!! Please don't ever come back!

YAY! YAY! YAY!

I'd like to thank all my wonderful amazing friends and family for all your support! I'd also like to thank my AWESOME boyfriend Spencer for all of his support and belief in me! I feel so blessed!

Starting Weight: 365 lbs.
Current Weight: 297 lbs!!!!

Total Lost so far: 68 LBS!!!!

Only 32 more lbs to hit 100lbs lost!!!

P.S. In 2 weeks Spencer will hit his 6 month mark (1/4 of his mission). I have now lost over 1/4 of my goal to lose 200 lbs! I can do this!


Here's a recent picture of me. It's only my face, but I am beautiful! Yes, I can say that! :P

Friday, August 10, 2012

Stuck

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in one place just watching everyone else live? That's how I feel right now about my life. Perhaps it's the memory of the horrible last months of my marriage that I went through a year ago, or the fact that I live in a small town with nothing to do and no friends to hang out with, or the fact that I miss my boyfriend like CRAZY and think about him everyday, but I feel like I've been in a funk this summer. I've tried different things and they've worked for a little while. Sadly, though, every time I fall back into this funk.

Now, do get me wrong, it's not that I hate my life or anything. In fact, I feel very blessed. I live with two wonderful people who are very loving and have made me feel as if I was one of their daughters (which is an honor since they have 2 fabulous daughters). I have a job that I LOVE! I have SO MANY loving friends and family! Plus, I have an amazing boyfriend who I know loves and supports me even though we are apart. So, you are probably wondering why I'm complaining then. Well, I'm not. I'm just simply saying that sometimes, even when you have a good life and feel blessed, you can get into a funk, a depression, a hole of yuckiness!

So ... what do I do about this?

About a week and half ago, I had the great opportunity to do something that I feel was life changing for me. I won't go into details of what happened, but I will tell you that I had to look deep inside of myself and see the pain and fear I carry with me. It wasn't easy! In fact, it was VERY hard! However, by recognizing and acknowledging that pain, I was able to see how it has been telling me lies. We all do this to ourselves. You know lies like "you aren't pretty," "nobody can love you," "you aren't strong enough," "you are stupid," ect. Well, guess what?!? I am beautiful! I have LOTS of people who love me! I am very strong and smart! And so are YOU!!!

How can this help my "funk"?

First, I recognize the lies. Then, I tell myself the truth. Then, I find ways to make the truth even strong!

I am Beautiful!
- Look at myself in the mirror everyday and see the beauty in myself.
- Dress up and put on make-up every so often, even if there's no one to notice.

I am loved!
- Read old letters and texts from those who love me.
- Call a friend or family member and talk. Be honest.
- Love myself!

I am Strong!
- Remember where I was and how far I have come.
- Challenge myself by setting goals, physical and mental.

I am Smart!
- Read a book and ponder the deeper meaning.
- Take a class and study hard.


With all that being said, I am also in a weight loss "funk." So, I've made a few goals:

Goal: Exercise at least 3 times a week until September 15th.
Reward: A dehydrator! (I know it sounds funny, but I REALLY want one!)

Goal: Complete a 5k (walking or running) by November 1st.
Reward: Go out to a movie!

Goal: Get under 300lbs by October.
Reward: A massage!

Goal: Weigh 275 lbs or less by Christmas!
Reward: A new outfit!

Ready, Set, GO!!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

The Struggle


First, let me tell you where I'm at in my life and journey right now. About 6 weeks ago I moved to West Virginia to live with some awesome family friends and start my new awesome job at a school. There have been parts about moving here that have been hard, such as just moving once again, trying to get settled, not having friends my age here, and the hardest part was leaving my AWESOME gym (My Training Gym) and AMAZING Trainer (Alex). Having a strong support team while you are losing weight is SO important! Without it you will struggle more. I mean, it always comes down to what YOU do and your own motivation, but having the right people helping you can make a huge difference. Since moving here, I was here for a week, then went to Oregon for 2 weeks to visit family and help with my friends' wedding, then I've been back in WV for about 2 1/2 weeks now. As you can imagine my eating and exercise have not been good.

Eating:
As you may know from past posts, I struggle ALOT with food! It is my comfort and I stress eat A LOT! This last trip to Oregon I ate a lot of fast food, ice cream, tons of candy, and pop. All horrible things that make my body feel sick and don't have the nutrition I need. Sadly, after coming back to WV, I continued to eat the same. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I also struggle with sneak eating, so I'm trying to stop that by VERY publicly admitting to what I am eating. Thankfully, last Friday I went to the grocery store (about 40 mins away) and went straight to the produce area. You should see how excited I get over the produce section of the store! It's kinda like how a hunter would get excited over guns (lol ... so Spencer). I filled my basket with a variety of good healthy fresh fruits and vegetables. I will admit that I have cheated a few times and eaten ice cream and chips, but I'm doing A LOT better! Little by little I'm getting myself back on track!

Exercise:
I mentioned above how it has been hard to no longer have my gym and trainer. Let me just say that my trainer, Alex, was so AWESOME! He pushed me further than I've ever gone before and made me feel so strong. At times I would hurt so bad and hate certain exercises, but I felt so proud of myself and what I am able to do! Since moving, I've done zero weigh training or strength training. This is bad because my back has started to hurt more and more as the strength in my stomach and back weaken. So, I've decided to try to buy some free weights and start doing some of the exercises Alex taught me so that I can continue strengthening myself and working the fat away.

The good news is that since coming back from my trip in Oregon, I have started doing cardio again! I have been doing interval running (alternating running and walking). I'm not doing it every day yet, but I've been doing it about 3-4 times a week. It hasn't been easy and there are times when I want to give up or when I have to fight with myself to even go running, but it feels so good when I do! I have more energy and have a great feeling of accomplishment. In two days (Saturday, June 30th), I will be running/walking my first 5k! I'm so excited!!! I will write more about it after Saturday.


Warning: This part of this post contains information about going through the weight loss process as a woman and the effects. If the discussion of bras and menstruation makes you uncomfortable, you might not want to read past this point. Just letting you know. :)

Recently, I had a friend message me and ask me about what bras I wear while running. Let's face it, I'm a big woman, especially in the chest area. She is the same and wanted to know how I'm able to run without feeling like my breasts are being ripped off my chest with every bounce. I answered her questions, but since she wasn't the first woman to ask me this question, I decided to share my answer with everyone. My secret is ... I wear 3 bras at once! Yep THREE bras! The first bra is a "everyday" bra not is not under wire. This bra lifts and separates my boobs so that they aren't all squished in the middle when I put on my sports bra.  The second bra is a full coverage sports bra. It's a bigger sports bra that covers my full breast and holds them closer to my body, but not tight enough. Which is why I have the 3rd bra. It is a normal sports bra and it pushes everything tight against my body so that when I run, there is no bounce from my chest. This might seem like a lot, but remember I'm like a 42FF. It's not easy to find bras in my size, let alone ones that fully support and keep everything in place.

Also, since losing weight, I have lost a lot of weight in my chest. It's been nice to see the progress and feel myself getting lighter. Thankfully, I had smaller bras already that I've been able to use. My bras are custom fit sizes so I don't know what regular size I am anymore. But hopefully, eventually I'll be able to just be a "D" again.

The other issue that I'd like to address is menstruation and how it effects my weight loss progress. Around my "time of the month" two things happen. One is that I become SO hungry! I can't seem to get enough food! I want lots of sweets and especially chocolate! One way of ensure that this doesn't throw me off track is to plan ahead. If I know I'm going to be more hungry, then I plan to carry more fruits and veggies with me so I always have a healthy choice to eat with me. For my chocolate cravings, I blend up a "healthy chocolate shake" (the recipe is below). The other thing that happens is that I will usually gain about 5 lbs of water weight and feel bloated. As usual, I try to drink about 3 liters of water a day. Also, when I step on the scale that week, I remind myself that it might be a little high because of my period. I always feel happier when I step on the scale the week after my period and I see the numbers drop down even more. To help with the feeling of being bloated and the pain of cramps, I exercise. I'm not kidding! Keeping your body moving helps so much!

I hope no one has been offended by my bluntness, but that's how I am. :)

If you have any questions about things I've posted about or anything you are wondering about, feel free to comment or send me a message and I feel try to answer it the best I can.

Healthy Chocolate Shake:
1 cup milk
1 pkg of Oatmeal
1 scoop Chocolate Whey Protein powder
1-2 cups of ice
1 Tbsp. Raw Almond Butter (or Peanut Butter)
Dash of cinnamon
1 frozen banana (optional)

Blend together in blender and enjoy!

Here's a few recent pictures of me:












To give you an idea of how far I've come, here's two pictures in the same shirt:
 April 2010 My "before" picture


May 2012 my "current after" picture


Starting weight: 365 lbs
Current weight: 312 lbs

Total weight lost: 53 lbs!!!

Only 13 more lbs before I'm below 300!!!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

One year can change everything

First off, I'd like to say that this post it not so much about my weight-loss journey, but more about my life/love journey. However, I have found that in order to do well on my journey, I need to also better understand my life. Also, what I write is my thoughts and feelings, please respect that.

Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of what I use to think would be a very special day. Actually, it was a very special day for me, however, the events that have happened in the past year have made the memory of that day cause me sadness, not happiness. I guess I should explain what I'm talking about. A year ago, on June 18th, 2011, I was sealed to my ex-husband for time and eternity in the Portland Oregon Temple. For those of you who are not Mormon, you may not understand what that means or why it has such a great impact on me. In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe that a man and woman can be married and sealed to one another for not only this life on earth, but for all eternity (time and all eternity). This ordinance takes place within our temples. If a man and woman are civilly married (until death do you part), they can be sealed to one another later, which is what happened with my husband and I. Getting sealed was as important to me as my wedding was, maybe even more so. I remember how happy I was that day! I knew that once I was sealed to him, we would be together forever, no matter what happened in this life (such as death). However, that wasn't so.

Sadly, my husband decided that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. It broke my heart! It still pains me greatly to type those words. If you have ever truly loved someone 100%, completely let them in your heart without any conditions, and had them reject you, then you understand what I mean. I've known a lot of hurt and sorrow in my life, but never so great as losing the man that I had chosen to be with for eternity. Not only did I lose him, but he choose to leave me.

Now, for those of you who know me or have read my previous blogs, know that I now have a boyfriend (Spencer), who I love very dearly. You might wonder how I can say that I love Spencer when I still am hurt over the ending of my marriage. There have been times that I have wondered this myself, but through much pondering and prayer, I have come to understand it better. They are separate and different. I loved my husband, Sherman, very much and never wanted our marriage to end, however, it did end and that doesn't discredit my feelings for Spencer. I love Spencer so much and the hurt that I have from the ending of my marriage doesn't change that. Thankfully, Spencer is very patient and understands this fact.

I am now waiting for my boyfriend, Spencer, to come home from his mission (only 21 months to go!) The only contact we have with one another is through letters. No phone calls, no e-mails, no visits, just letters. Honestly, I love those letters so much and cherish each one. Many people doubt that him or I will feel the same about each other in two years when he comes home. I have often heard the words " a lot can change in two years." To those people I'd like to say, "I KNOW! Heck in 1 yr, my husband decided to leave me, I lost two jobs, lived in 3 states, and fell in love again. I don't need a reminder." Trust me, I have enough insecurity issues surrounding my relationship and if a guy (Spencer) would still want to be with me in two years. That being said, I only know that what Spencer and I feel for one another is very special and that time apart has only strengthen our relationship. The fact that we are both bettering ourselves and serving others while supporting one another has strengthened us. I love him and I know he love me.

You might be wondering why I'm bringing all this up and publicly writing about it. Well, first of all, I've found that by sharing my story (the good and the bad) has not only helped me to understand it better and heal from the past, but it has also helped others that I've talked to. As to why now, because it's been on my mind a lot over the past few months and with the anniversary coming up tomorrow, I've decided to face it head on, instead of trying to hide from it.

Recently I went on a trip back home to Oregon. During my visit A LOT of emotions towards Spencer, my marriage, my past and my future came up. It was a really good because I got to talk with friends and family. I realized how much I've changed and how far I've come. I am thankful for this time to heal and grow. I miss Spencer every day, but I know that we are both growing and learning.

Love is a powerful tool that can break us or lift us up, but the most important is when we love ourselves.

Thank you for reading about these feelings. I hope that I have been able to convey my thoughts and feelings in a way that everyone will understand.

A lot has changed in the past year, including myself, but it doesn't mean that everything will change. One thing that will not change is I will continue to choose to be happy and become a better me. :)

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Turn a Negative into a Positive!

About eight months ago I had my life fall apart. My health wasn't good, I lost my job, we couldn't pay the rent, and my marriage fell apart. Most times in my life when things would be hard, I'd sink into depression and not cope with it very well. At first, that's what I started to do. However, something changed this time. I decided to change. I decided to be happy and to make changes in my life to become a better, healthier Stephanie. Since then I have made huge strides in my life!

Food: I don't look at food the same anymore. I LOVE to eat fresh fruits and vegetables! I have zero desire to eat fast food. I'm able to say "no thank you" when someone offers me something I don't need. I don't have to eat just because there's food there. I'm continuing to learn the right balance of food for my body.

Exercise: I have made some HUGE changes in exercise over the past month! I find myself actually looking forward to exercising. The other day I was stressed, so I went and worked out on the treadmill. It felt great! Yesterday, I ran/walked a mile in 19 minutes! Soon I'll be running the whole thing! Oh, and I am now able to run one minute at a speed of 5 mph! YAY!

Mind/Emotional: I have learned so much about myself and the strength I have within me! I'm learning to focus on the positive and not let the negative bring me down.

Journey is far from over, but I am amazed at how far I've come!

Now, here's for the best news of all .... I stepped on the scale Tuesday night (4/17/12) and I now weigh ... 318 lbs! That means I've lost a total of 47 lbs!!! My clothes are getting looser and I feel great! Next target: to get under 300 lbs!

Starting weight: 365 lbs
Current weight: 318 lbs

Total lost: 47 lbs!!!